I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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