Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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