at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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