My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
