I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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