Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
