there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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