That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
