my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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