So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
