I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
