that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
