I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
