ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
