I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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