I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
