yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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