So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
