I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
