hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
