the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
