TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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