i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
