It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
