I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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