I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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