The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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