If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
