i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this just has baby written all over it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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