I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
