He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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