she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
