Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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