I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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