My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
