I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
