And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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