god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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