I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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