This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
