Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you didnt know i had herpes?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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