So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
