People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
