You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
