It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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