i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
