my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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