About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
