I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
