im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
sex in a hospital.. check
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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