Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
