Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
