Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
