Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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