He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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