Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
