sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
