oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
