your room smells of hookers.
And success
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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