So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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