I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
