If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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