I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
