apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
