My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
