I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
