I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
