We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
