Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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