She said her name was "party"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
